Confident You, Confident Sex!
>> Wednesday, March 25, 2015
"Dear KnowYourV, how can I feel more confident with myself during sex?"
I think this may depend on different things for everyone, right? First of all, it is so important that you feel comfortable with your partner and that your partner makes you feel comfortable sexually (and likes your body, so you feel good about yourself during sex). If you don't feel free to express yourself naturally during sex, or sense that your partner is uncomfortable, it can help a lot to talk to each other. Often when there is tension during sex, and you can't talk about it, you will feel less confident and it will prevent you from initiating new things.
Often couples fall into habits due to busy schedules and forget to make time for each other. Both may work all day and, once home, the evenings are filled with family, homework and dinnertime. Sex may be left for the middle of the night or early morning awakenings with a nudge, and, even though you are thoroughly exhausted, you give in. It just feels like one more thing to do before you can have a few hours of peaceful sleep.
Another very common reason for women to feel less confident can be the extra weight that is slow to leave after childbirth. Seriously, who are those women that lose all their baby weight in 3-4 weeks? For most of us, it took nine months to put it on and it's going to take another 6-9 months afterwards to get it back off - and that's if we work at it. Geezz!!
There aren't very many of us who feel sexy at 8-9 months pregnant, with a black lace nighty on, milk dripping from our nipples, swollen feet and ankles and a belly so big we can't even shave ourselves properly. And, it just doesn't feel much better after either, when your belly is still big because the uterus hasn't returned to normal size, our nipples are really leaking now, and our hormones are completely messed up.
Of course, if you've had an episiotomy, vaginal tear, or a c-section scar that has to heal, this can be not only physically painful, delaying the ability and desire to reconnect intimately with your partner, but it can also have a profound psychological and emotional effect on sexual intimacy.
I have met so many wonderful husbands and partners of the women for whom I have cared, that have amazed me with the love and compassion they have. Especially in childbirth, realizing that just because a woman's body is built to have babies, it doesn't make it easy or painless. They admire the strength and courage it took. I have watched as they work with their partners and wait with patience. Hats off to you, guys.
Just like with menopause, I have tried to explain to the men when they come in with their wives wondering, "What happened? She's not the same person anymore. I think she hates me! Help her Doc!" I tell them, "Now just imagine that all of a sudden you were castrated, or for some reason your testicles, right now, today, just stopped making testosterone?" "How do you think you would feel? A little weird? Crazy? Like crying? Well, that's what's going on with her. Her ovaries just stopped making all her female hormones." Men understand that, you know? Menopause is another reason women can lose confidence sexually, just like the others we talked about.
Women lose their sexual desire and experience vaginal dryness, abnormal vaginal discharge and odors due to hormone changes and generally feel as though they are not as desirable as when they were younger. Hormones help with emotional stability and confidence (true for men as well), so it is important to have a physical and blood tests to check for overall health at this time to evaluate for hormonal imbalance.
It's like the joke someone told me, ‘When you're young and you're going into puberty, everyone tells you, ‘Girl you are becoming a woman now.’
But when you reach menopause and go through the ‘change of life,’ no one can tell you what you're going to change in to!” That's for sure - women can feel like they are losing their mind. That's why it's called a HYSTERectomy and not a UTERectomy, because years ago, they thought if they removed the uterus, they would remove a woman's hysteria!
We've come a long way since then, and we don't use the term "she's hysterical" or "nervous breakdown" much anymore. Now we understand a lot more about hormones and hormone balance, which has helped so many women over the past 50 yrs.
The last thing I want to say on this question, and one I really do get asked about a lot, concerns my patients’ most significant worries and causes of lost confidence: The battle with vaginal odor and excessive discharge.
Most of you have had problems with this since your early teens or 20's and have seen multiple doctors who all say the same thing, "Don't douche. It will make it worse and it will keep coming back because you will destroy the natural vaginal flora." Then they give you a script for the same vaginal gel or pills you've taken your whole life, and it goes on and on.
Of course, it was your big sister, mom, cousin, or grandma who showed you about douching anyway a long, long time ago, and how else should we clean out up there anyway? Old blood from your period, semen from sex, smelly discharge…you certainly don't want to smell during sex and especially with oral sex! How embarrassing. We all can relate to that.
That's why when I learned about WaterWorks, after 17 years of working as an Ob/Gyn, I was so excited. Finally, an all natural way for women to have good feminine hygiene and cleanse inside the vagina without destroying the natural flora. The natural flora is necessary to maintain a low pH in the vagina and allows it to be self-cleaning.
This is something that women could use everyday in the privacy of their own homes, and it requires no chemicals, pharmaceuticals, and no
prescriptions. It is FDA-cleared and it looks like a reusable douche, but it uses only natural tap water and a patented, medical grade stainless steel nozzle.
When the stainless steel reacts with the vaginal mucosa, a reaction takes place that destroys vaginal odor. Most women have results the first time they use it and never have odor again. You hang it in your shower; it is reusable; and you can use it to rinse out old blood, semen, or excess discharge or simply use it as part of your daily cleansing routine.
I know this will go a long way to helping you feel more confident sexually, as you won't be worried about vaginal odor. I hope this information helps you and your family and friends. Have a wonderful week. You all deserve it!
